In honor of Women’s History Month, tune is as we share our self-love journey, what inspires us, and how we’re going after everything that is ours.
Jennifer: 00:00
And in honor of Women's History Month, we have to Tazeen and Madeline here. We're going to be talking about self-love, our journeys to self-love and just womanhood in general. So maybe, if we can go around the virtual room and share a little bit about ourselves like a brief intro ion of who you are, what you do. I'll kick it off. So, we're all on the STUK team. I am a STUK board member. My name is Jennifer Vassel. I am a children's book author based in Los Angeles. I write about self-love and inspiring kids and adults to overcome their insecurities and share their gifts with the world. That's what I do. Now, who'd like to go next?
Tazeen: 00:41
Madeline?
Madelyn: 00:42
Sure, I'll kick it off. So, I'm Madelyn, and I'm from Jeffersonville, Indiana. But I'm receiving my masters right now at the University of Notre Dame that's in northern Indiana. And I also serve as Miss Indiana volunteer, which is within the Miss volunteer America organization. And I am STUK’s programs manager, but I'm also highly associated with a nonprofit called I am that girl, which is all about female empowerment. So, this is right up my alley.
Jennifer: 01:11
Amazing
Tazeen: 01:12
Great. My name is Tazeen and I am from Mumbai, India. I think few people who have been following stuff probably know, I am the STUK blog and podcast manager. I'm also currently studying to become a dentist here in Mumbai. And yeah, I'm a writer, and I love writing about mental health and feminism and just self-love and self-care. That's what I'm passionate about. That's what I talk about. That's what I post about. So yeah, that's what I love doing and I'm doing it.
Jennifer: 01:47
Amazing, amazing. So, tell us a little bit about each of your self-love journey. I know the journey to self-love is not easy. It's not something that comes, well at least for most people I would say, it's not something that we wake up with, where we nurture our gifts, and we love who we are. But tell us a little bit about your journey to owning who you are and loving the skin that you're in.
Madelyn: 02:14
I'll go. So, I grew up dancing, I was a ballerina. And I also did theater professionally, which as you can imagine, as a really young girl I started when I was eight years old. There's a lot of comparison that comes through that because you're honestly always in competition with other young women. So, like at a really early age, I was very aware of body image. And sometimes it would bring me down because I'm more of like, I have more of a curvy build and ballerinas like, tended not to at the time, I know that, that industry is kind of changed. And you know how we just accept you know, like different bodies, like doing different things, it doesn't matter what you look like. But that was really hard on me when I was young. So, I would say like, probably when I started high school is when I became more aware of self-love. And when I got into college, like my junior year, I all of a sudden kind of like developed more anxiety that I had never experienced. And I think it really came with that huge pressure on me all the time of like having a certain appearance. And at that time, I really started focusing on my mental health. I got therapy for the first time. I also really started like focusing on creativity through self-love, reading, drawing, writing, meditating, and it changed my life.
Jennifer: 03:38
I love that. Yeah, and mental health is definitely something that is a priority for me too. Just making sure that, just like how we go and get our car serviced. We get our nails done and all that. Like we definitely need that mental work to keep our minds going, to keep us in sync with everything, especially with everything that's going. How about you Tazeen, what's your self-love journey like or how has it been?
Tazeen: 04:04
Obviously a tough one, I guess. And I think there's a reason why we call it a self-love journey because it is never ending. It feels like every single day there are new obstacles in your way, external or internal. And every single day you're, you're overcoming these obstacles, you're breaking these barriers and every single day you learn more about your own worth, and you learn to value yourself over and over again each day. And I think that that is what has happened with me too so far. Personally, ever since I was little, I have taken to writing as a form of self-care, for myself constellation if you will. I have been writing when I'm at my worst, when I'm at my best, when I'm feeling demotivated, when I feel inspired. Like I do this thing where, because I know that I'm not going to feel my best every single day, because it's not possible. So, what I do is, when I am feeling my best, when I am feeling motivated, I write a sort of letter to myself. And, you know, mentioning every single goal that I feel so motivated to accomplish on that particular day, and I just pen down all this energy that I'm feeling onto that letter. And I know that when I'm feeling down, I'm going to open this book, and I'm going to look back, and I'm going to read all this, and I’m going to remind myself, of why I need to push through these bad days, these days of like slump and just, you know, absolute like devastation, why I need to push through and what are my goals and why I need to get there. So, I think that that has been a really big form of self-consolation for me. And when I do submissions, and when I write pieces, about mental health, about, you know, self-love. And when I tell people, how you need to take care of yourself, and how there are so many different forms of self-care, that really helps me get through things as well. So, I feel like we're all in this self-love journey together.
Jennifer: 06:15
Yes, and to add to that, I do something similar as far as writing things down. One thing that I love to do at the top of the New Year is to write my goals, as if it already happened. I write it as if it's already December 31st, 2022. And I'm writing it like this and this happened. And I like to read it at the end of the year to see what has come to pass. But it really helps me to stay motivated when it gets hard. There's no straight and narrow road for being a creative. There's not a blueprint for that. And so, a lot of times we are called to be our own blueprint, but going back and seeing the writing there, seeing what you made come to pass is always helped me to keep going.
Madelyn: 07:03
And even to add to that Tazeen, not even to add but to comment on how aware you are, that you mentioned you write in the good and the bad. And it's not always about writing like when you're at your worst. Like it's every single day and knowing that self-love is a practice that you're growing through all the time. Like that's really inspiring.
Jennifer: 07:24
I see a few people trickling in, just want to share that we're talking about self-love. And in honor of Women's History Month, we're talking about our journeys, what it is to be a woman in our respective spaces and join in on the conversation if you have a question. Go ahead and use the little question bubble at the bottom and ask away. The other question I had for you two is, what struggles did you face if any, on your path in your respective industries? Like being a woman in dentistry for example, or a woman in the non-profit sector Madeline, or whatever you're navigating? How has your identity impacted? Or how have you struggled in your respective industries?
Madelyn: 08:28
Well, I can go. I would definitely say that, through any kind of competition, like take pageantry, for example. It's really difficult when it comes to self-love. Because you're obviously always looking at other people who look completely different from you, who have a completely different job. And sometimes you might be like envious to have something that they have that you don't. And it's really been a practice for me of showing up every day and the things that make me unique, because I know, I mean, I was never like a beauty queen. I never considered myself anything like that. But like, I love my intellect. So being able to invest myself as deeply as I can in my work, through my non-profit and volunteering, is how I show up and how I define myself as someone who is unique. And that's another self-love practice in itself, like giving back to your community. Because it's like scientifically proven that you're going to be a happier person when you give back to others who don't have as much as you. So that's like one of the biggest ways that I show self-love.
Jennifer: 09:46
I love it. And comparison is definitely, as the old adage says, comparison is the thief of joy. Like we're always looking over our shoulders, seeing what, such and such person is doing and social media doesn't help at all. Because everything is in real time, we see [unclear 10:01]. How about you Tazeen? How is being a woman in your industry impacted you or what have you faced?
Tazeen: 10:11
I think that just being a woman in general, obviously, talking about the industry and talking about specific niche, but also just being a woman in general is very challenging. It's not just about fighting for equality, right? You're also, like Madelyn spoke about comparison, you are also constantly being pitted against each other is what I feel like. And a lot of days, there's this thing where people, it feels as though people want women to fight each other. They want women to try to tear each other down and try to, you know, destroy each other's paths, and that kind of does the work for them. So then, their path is clear to you know, climb to the top. And I feel like that is something that we still need to work on, no matter where we are, whether I am working as a dentist, whether it is Madelyn as she speaks about her challenges and pageantry, or you know, you in your field. And I think that's what we also teach in our non-profit, that you really need to understand that we're working as a team here. Because we've been restricted for so long. We've been, you know, pushed to the side for so long that if we try to fight each other, we're not going to get anywhere, we need to work together, and we need to move forward in that direction. And speaking of the society that I belong to specifically, it is evolving, considerably it has evolved. I will give it that, but there's still a long, long way to go. There are still so many conversations about how women are not supposed to do certain specific tasks just because you know, they are women. And I've seen a lot of people sometimes question our credibility just because we are women. So, I think that, that is going to take time, obviously, which is the sad part that is going to take time to get better. But I feel like working towards it together as women, as sisters, I think that is what is going to do the trick. And I think that's what is going to get us through.
Jennifer: 12:20
And we are talking about women's history month. What woman, dead or alive, dead or living has inspired you on your journey. And what did they say, do, what impacted you about that woman?
Madelyn: 12:41
There's a couple of people for me. I think Maya Angelou. Like her quote about, “people won't remember what you said, they won't remember what you did, but they will remember like how you made them feel”. And then my work in non-profit, like that has guided me through all the way. Like I want to make an impact on someone by how I made them feel about themselves and change their life. But also, Emma Watson like as an actress, and the way that she's kind of decided I don't have to be this image for anyone in front of the camera. Like she's taking the lead and getting behind the camera and creating films about women for women, which I think is so inspiring, considering that gap in female creatives. That's amazing, that she's kind of taken that step.
Tazeen: 13:33
For me, too, I guess, there's so many, but I think the ones that I can think right now of the top of my head is this actress Jameela Jamil, she plays Tahali in the good place. And I've been following her for a long time. And she is such a wonderful person. She is a mental health activist. She's a body positivity activist. And she regularly has such empowering and open and brave conversations about mental health and about body positivity, because she herself has suffered an eating disorder in the past. And she talks about how the media kind of manipulates young women and young girls through like magazines, and through like selling like weight loss dreams and all these things. And she really talks about all those things. Then she talks about how the media portrays women as compared to men. Like she will often give you comparison headlines that they've used for women as compared to what they've used for men. So, I think that, that is a really powerful and a brave thing to do in this time and age when everything literally depends on you know, social media and just media in general. And she's fierce and she stands up for what she believes in, and she stands for the people around her. Like her community is very tight knit. It's very strong. I love that about her and I think the others that I can think of are the women, Katherine Johnson, and Mary Jackson, and Dorothy ward. They are the women that, you know, Hidden Figures were was based on. And I think my goodness, I think people had [unclear 15:08] because I didn’t know that, that is my favorite movie of all time. Because why shouldn't it be? I mean, these women were incredible. They had all the odds stacked against them. They were women, and they were women of color in a male dominated, white male dominated environment. And they push through that back then. So, it makes me think, why can't I do things now, right. They've done it. They've shown me the way and I think that I can push through it as well. I think these are the women that really inspired me.
Jennifer: 15:40
And seeing those stories on screen is definitely empowering. I heard that they were celebrated internally, but we never knew about their stories, or it wasn't widely broadcast. So, it's just great to read the story, see them, because it gives us permission to really live our lives out loud. So, that movie was really good. I remember when it came out, I was eager to go see it. For me, as far as like, who inspires me, I always think about my grandmother. We celebrated her 102nd birthday this past January. And she is so [cross talk] [unclear 16:21]. I hope that I can live at least a fraction of that. But we have a lot of strong willed, determined women that came to this country, just really resilient. They didn't take no for an answer, raising so many children. I'm just like, I'm only responsible for myself and I can barely do that. But imagine like raising so many kids and then their kids-kids. And just seeing her work so hard and come here and continue with that same bigger, that inspires me to keep going. And though we are on different paths, like I've chosen a different career path than most of my family. Most of my family comes from a medical background, and I'm more on the creative and writing side. But though we are in different industries, I still hold tight to that strong energy, that energy to not give up. Like no matter how much you're being down and, you know, fail. You take those failures as like a learning opportunity, and learn your lesson to keep pushing, and I see that in them. And I see that coming through me and my work. So, they definitely inspire me. Well, my grandmother mostly, because she's like our matriarch, and yeah.
Madelyn: 17:37
What I hear from that Jennifer is resilience. And I think that's something that women do so well. And we have like throughout time and still have to apply it in our daily lives. Same for you Tazeen, I'm sure. You've spoken a lot about how your culture is so different, and how you're still even fighting to have rights as a woman, which I think it's so inspiring to stay resilient and stay confident who you are, and keep fighting for your goals.
Jennifer: 18:04
Yes. And how are each of you making history in your personal or professional life?
Madelyn: 18:15
That's a great one. Well, I'm the first person in my family to pursue a Master's and a PhD, which is huge for me and being a woman to be the first. So inspiring. Also, just in pageantry as well, or pursuing a career in the arts, I have been the first person in my family to do that. And I think that there's something to be said about, you know, thrusting yourself into an industry that isn't always accepting of people who don't have like a family legacy behind them. So that's how I'm definitely making history.
Jennifer: 18:58
And congratulations on your absolute [unclear 19:00]
Madelyn: 19:01
Thank you.
Tazeen: 19:03
I think every time a woman stands her ground and speaks up for herself, and you know, work to get her goals, I think she's making history because we've been suppressed for so long. And I think that I'm making a difference. And I'm making an impact by talking about things that matter. And in other aspects of my life, just not backing down. And constantly, you know, getting up no matter how many falls I take, because let me tell you, there are a lot of falls. But you know, here I am pushing through. And I think that, that is an incredibly important thing to note. For me, for the women in my family and for you know, just women in general all around that, you need to understand that you don't have to achieve, you know, the greatest of things in terms of you know what the world considers is great. If you're doing what you love, if you're living your life on your own terms. and not letting anybody else dictate what you do, you are making your own history and you need to be a part of that. And you need to own that. So, I think that, that is incredibly important. For me, for instance, I'm going to be the first doctor in my family. And so, is like, one side of the family, I'm being the first doctor, the other side, I'm the first female doctor. So, it's like, that is my own little victory. And apart from that, but that's like a very small part of it. I'm choosing to do what I want, and I'm choosing to do what I love. And I think that all the women, they need to do that. So yeah, that's how we are all making history right now, I feel.
Jennifer: 20:35
Yes, relations on that, too. The way that I feel that I'm making history is being the first in my family to go down the Creative Entrepreneurship path. Like we do have entrepreneurial type folks in my family, but none that are going through children's media, or entering that industry and understanding entertainment, or making a career out of it at least. So that's the first. And I think, in general, making history to me means doing the things that you said you were going to do and not letting fear stifle you. [cross talk] I feel like, we could do so much, if we just don't let that part of us hold us back. And I'm speaking to myself. There are times where I can feel myself slowing down the momentum because of the beer. But the idea of continuing the movement, and the movement in the right direction, I think that, that sets you up for making an impact and really charting your own path.
Madelyn: 21:46
Definitely. And even I feel like that fear is sometimes caused simply because we are women. Like it'll be, well, you know, maybe I'm too young of a woman or I won't be taken seriously, or people will just see a beautiful face and not understand like, my heart for service. That has been on my mind so many times. And I really do think that, that's a roadblock that we need to educate young women about, especially like you have to push past those boundaries.
Tazeen: 22:15
Exactly, that is so true. I cannot tell you the number of times that I felt that, you know, I am doing this particular thing, but are people even going to take me seriously, are they going to think this the work of a little girl, because that's what a lot of the times we are made to feel. But you know what, I'm like, here's the thing, what I'm doing right now has value. It has, you know, it's the thing of substance, and people are going to have to take it seriously. Because this is what I'm doing, and I'm owning up to it. I think that, we've just got to keep pushing, because we're going to have so many obstacles in our way. Like I said, internal external. And Jennifer just spoke about fear. And I think that wow that really needs to be worked on.
Jennifer: 22:57
What advice would each of you give to a young woman who is struggling with owning who she is as a woman and being crippled by that fear factor?
Madelyn: 23:15
For me, it was about finding good mentorship. And I think that young women should find someone like us, for example, who has already made it past a few of those obstacles, but is still, you know, fighting in that direction to do what she wants to do. It's all about opening up conversation. And that's why I love, I'm that girl because we have these small circles of young women who are going through the same struggles and even just being able to create that community to have that conversation with each other, opens up a whole world of possibilities for them that they really didn't know about.
Tazeen: 23:55
Incredible.
Jennifer: 23:55
I second the mentorship piece. [Unclear 23:58]. And to add to the mentorship thing, I noticed that there's some, like, I'll get emails or messages from fresh graduates. And I think some folks think that mentorship has to be formal. Or you need to, like reach out to somebody and get 30 minutes to an hour of their time. I just want to put it out there that you could be mentored from afar. There are people online and offline that I read their books, I support their work, I go to wherever they're speaking at, and I gather most of the information that they're putting out there. Because nine times out of 10, the people who we admire, who are a few steps ahead, they're leaving breadcrumbs so you don't necessarily have to have a formal one on one mentorship relationship with somebody. You could definitely be mentored from a distance and take it from there.
Madelyn: 24:57
Absolutely. There are people who mentor me and I mentor them all the time on social media even. Just by giving positive comments. So, it can be as organic as that.
Jennifer: 25:09
You were going to say something Tazeen I think, I cut you off.
Tazeen: 25:12
No, that's totally fine. I was just saying that, like Madeline said, it's all about just something that's organic. I think that part of it is following the right people also on social media, because it can be very toxic. But like you said, if you're just commenting, you know, empowering things on each other's posts, you know, finding that network, finding that group of people, because we have to admit the fact that children nowadays are going to spend a majority of the time on Instagram, or TikTok, or Facebook, or whatever it is. Facebook's outdated, so sorry. But yeah, I think that finding that and also, the being aware of the fact that people, no matter what you do, are always going to try to bring you down. You could be the kindest person on earth, and people will have something bad to say about you. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world, and people are going to still, you know, nitpick at things that, you know, you're lacking, or your flaws, even if there are none. But here's the thing, you are the only one that's going to be with you for the rest of your life. And you really got to believe in yourself. Because a lot of the times what happens is when we are facing hurdles, and obstacles, we kind of lose that confidence in ourselves. Like, this is what personally happens with me. Every now and then I'm like in this headspace where I don't believe in myself anymore, I'm not confident in the things that I know that I am capable of doing, I'm just not able to see it. So, I think that you really need to be your biggest supporter, your number one like cheerleader, and just keep pushing on the right path. Because it doesn't matter what people think, it doesn't matter what people say, they're going to keep projecting their insecurities on you, but you have really got to have your own bag and push through. And then you will definitely find the right women to build a community with and then you're going to thrive in that community.
Jennifer: 27:07
And I always think in the back of my mind, that people's reaction to you is a reflection of how they talk to themselves, you know, negative or positive. If they're triggered by something that you post, it has nothing to do with you. It's their perception of the world, and how they see you, and it has nothing to do with you. So, I always think about that. And people act out and they speak their insecurities, and that you have no control over that. You can you know, break your boundaries, or just recognize it and bless and release them. But I mean, you can create your own orbit, like your own circle of influence of people who are like minded, who build as they climb or lift as a climb. And surrounding yourself around those types of people really build that energy that you need to continue pushing on. Because you need high vibrational people, go getters. Like if we're talking about womanhood, women making history, you can't be around low vibrational people, who are constantly negative or constantly insecure and not looking for ways to heal.
Madelyn: 28:20
To tie a few of those things together I think we've been talking about, Tazeen mentioned that women so often we fight against each other. And I think, you know, that conversation about collaboration over competition starts in those moments here, where you need to recognize if a woman is speaking out against you, or saying false things, maybe out of jealousy, most of the time out of insecurity, we should take that as an opportunity to fill them up, you know, rather than competing against each other in that moment. That's a huge gap that needs to be filled. Sometimes it's about making space and creating boundaries. Because, you know, there's some people who that negative energy will just not go away. But some people might need to be filled up, like maybe they don't have any validation in their life. But in that moment, you could say, well, you're beautiful, too, you know, like, remind them and be that person.
Jennifer 29:13
That's great. That’s great. So, we're going to wrap it up. I know, it's a little late. So, we would just want to make sure that we're being respectful. One last thing before we all go, please share any projects, any events or things that you have coming up, how can people see [unclear 29:32] with you?
Madelyn: 29:38
Well, the Miss volunteer America competition, that's the national competition for my title that I have right now. That's going to be May 5th or 7th. And I'm hoping that there's some sort of live stream that's going on during this. So, I'll be sure to share that with everyone. And follow me on my journey through my STUK and I am that girl school tour that I've been going on. I have a lot of information coming out about that and just support those kids. They need that.
Tazeen: 30:07
Yes. Then I think we at STUK designs, we have a few exciting things coming out that we're all like super passionate about, and we're working on it. So please look forward to that. And of course, a lot of our podcast episodes are going to be out soon. So yeah, keep following us at STUK designs. You can find me on Instagram at Tazeen double underscore shake. And yeah, that's it.
Madelyn: 30:31
Support her writing.
Tazeen: 30:34
Please. If you find something you like, please let me know.
Jennifer: 30:39
Amazing. Well, thank you ladies for this great conversation. I loved it. And thank you for all those who tuned in. We'll have the recording available if anybody missed the beginning parts, but this was really great. Thank you all.
Madelyn: 30:53
Thank you so much for inviting us.
Tazeen: 30:55
Thank you.
Jennifer: 30:56
No problem. Have a good weekend.
Tazeen: 30:58
Have a great weekend, guys, bye
Jennifer: 31:01
Bye.